Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's prominent hosts spent their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new initiative which allows international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. An official portal promises processing "in record time."

"One note here to affluent foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.