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The current year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {